Them and Us

I studied Social Work in college. I was drawn to the study of learning more about people, families, cultures and government policies. In many of my classes we had very real discussions about mental health, social groups, racism, people who live in poverty, people with disabilities, people who are different from us in any way. My classes were made up of people who were mostly accepting of differences, people who didn’t want to be judgmental. We even discussed how we all judge others, even though we like to think that we are not judgmental.

            One of my professors was a wonderful story teller and she could take a simple experience and share it in a way that had a profound effect on her students. I remember a story she told about her husband being out of town and she got a rock in her tire on the interstate and the tire went flat. She called AAA to come and change her tire. She said she thought about the privilege she had to pick up her cell phone and call for assistance. She shared that in a short time, she went from sitting in her flat-tired car with her teenage son, to being on the drive back home. The story took a turn when she reminded us that there are people who walk 5 miles in the hot sun with their children to get a bowl of mush to eat. No car, no health care, no air conditioning, no electricity, no fresh water, no toilet.

            I meet people in my work who tell me they are saddened by the state of our country and by the way people are treating others. There are anxious and depressed people who feel they can no longer tolerate watching the news because it is all about people hurting other people and leaders who have lost sight of what matters. I’m not sure what all those things are that “matter”. But I can say with certainty that ALL people matter and if we stood side-by-side with the people who walk 5 miles for food, God would see us all the same.

            I talk to people about respecting themselves & having healthy emotional boundaries with their spouse, their friends, their employers. Boundaries are necessary for good relationships and for maintaining peace and order. But boundaries do not mean there is “Us” and there is “Them”. I can say with all certainty there is only “Us”. I want to watch the news and not have to brace myself for the hate and lack of respect that have become the norm. I want for all of you who have shared with me your depression and anxiety about the way we are treating each other, that we might one day be able to talk about how we see even the smallest shift; that those of us who are blessed with having our daily needs met would care equally for those who are walking a long way every day just to survive.                                                                      -Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, 1-14-2020

What is Psychotherapy and How Does It Help?

There are different names and different paths of education and training for a person who provides psychotherapy (sometimes just referred to as therapy or counseling). A therapist can be a social worker, a family and/or marriage counselor, a professional counselor or other educated and trained professional. Most of these will have a license that has been issued after they have completed educational requirements, supervision by an experienced therapist, and passed a comprehensive licensing examination conducted in the State in which they will practice.

          People are sometimes hesitant to seek help for a mental health concern, however most of the stigma that was long-ago associated with psychiatry and mental health counseling seems to be gone. There can be a sense of fear with setting up the first appointment if someone has never seen a therapist. It can feel vulnerable to consider talking to a stranger about deeply personal feelings, losses, difficult memories or current stressful circumstances.

          One important thing to know is that everyone has problems or concerns that could be helped with therapy. I have observed in my practice that many people feel alone in what they have experienced or how they are feeling; however, there is not a single person who has had a life without hurts, problems, and losses. It can also be helpful to know that most therapists have seen or are still seeing a therapist themselves. It is strongly recommended during the education and mentoring process that mental health professionals seek support for their own problems and concerns. This way there will not be as many barriers to their providing support for their clients. Someone who has not worked on their own issues may not be emotionally prepared to provide support for others.

          Once you have done some research to locate a therapist (search the web, read information on their website, ask friends, ask your doctor) you can call to set up an initial visit. You should expect your therapist to help you feel comfortable and at ease with any nervousness you may have. He or she will have some forms for you to sign about treatment, insurance, etc. and will ask questions to help you identify concerns for which you are seeking treatment. If you do not feel a connection with your therapist during this visit it is ok. You may want to try another visit, or your therapist can refer you to another clinician. Hopefully this will not be a concern and you can schedule another visit to discuss your future treatment plan. You and your therapist will work together to set goals and discuss methods of treatment that will be helpful to treat your individual concerns and symptoms.

          There are numerous methods of treatment for anxiety, depression, grief, physical pain, adjustment to life changes, post traumatic stress disorder and other concerns. If your issues are outside of the scope of practice for your therapist, he or she should refer you to a specialist to help with your specific needs. Your therapist may also refer you back to your primary care provider or a psychiatrist for a medication evaluation.

          If you are considering therapy for yourself, just pick up the phone and make a call. The process should be easy and unintimidating! You should feel comfortable, accepted, and at ease during the process of getting started and continuing with therapy. Good wishes!

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter LLC, 9/23/2019

But the Greatest of These Is Love

The book of Corinthians in the Bible was written by Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus. When my husband and I got married we had a reading from this book. Love is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not proud. Love does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (JB 😊)

So many people are talking about the stress and worry of what is going on in our country and our world right now. I talk to people in my practice who tell me they have developed anxiety about the way people are treating each other. They tell me they have stopped watching the news because it is too upsetting. I have personally felt this way too. I am torn between staying involved in what is going on in my community, my city, my country…and being able to have calmness in my heart and to sleep at night.

I know this love that Paul speaks about, because I am a wife to the most forgiving and loving man I have ever known. I know it because I am a mother to a daughter who I would protect first, before myself. I know because of my son-in-law who I love as part of my family. I know because of the indescribable love for my grand-daughter. And I am very loved by the man I call Dad. (see previous blog).

So, what do we do with our fears and worries? What do we do when we see every day on social media that political beliefs have turned into disrespect among friends and family members? What do we do when we see that the description of love given by Paul is not reflected in the world around us?

Comfort yourself in this knowledge. We cannot change other people. We cannot control our politicians. We cannot stop war, disease, death, poverty. We cannot stop hatred. But we as individuals can show love to other people and remember the life of the One who created us ALL and showed us clearly how to love.

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC, 11-18-2018

We Need to Talk...About Suicide

People are talking and writing more about suicide lately because of the suicidal death of some well-known public figures. Suicide is not uncommon. According to the World Health Organization someone takes their own life every 30 seconds. So why is this something we don’t talk about until it happens to a public figure or someone we know personally?

Often when a person commits suicide, their family and friends had no idea they were planning this. And many people experience depression and even have some suicidal thoughts but have no intention of harming themselves.

Some warning signs that someone may be planning suicide are:  Talking about feeling hopeless or helpless, talking about feeling trapped, withdrawing/feeling isolated, mood swings, talking about wanting to die, talking about being a burden to others, increased alcohol or drug use. These are only a few of the symptoms that might be observed. And sometimes there are few, or even no symptoms that someone is suicidal. There have been many reports of people seeming to feel better in the days leading up to their death, because they feel relieved that their emotional pain will end soon.

If you suspect that a friend or family member is actively in danger of harming themselves then call 911 or take them to the ER. If you aren’t certain but have concerns, go ahead and ask the person how they are doing. Ask them if they’ve had thoughts or even have a plan for how they will harm themselves. This may be a difficult conversation, but it may be the most important one you ever have.

Help is available from mental health agencies, primary care providers, psychiatrists, and counselors.

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC, 8-11-2018

Things We Hide...

Dr. Brene’ Brown is a research professor, best-selling author, speaker, and social worker.  I’m proud to say I’m a social worker too! If you’ve read any of her books then you know that she has studied and written a lot about shame and vulnerability and being brave.  I recommend that you read her writing if you have an interest in digging deep into your own “stuff”.

People are afraid to be vulnerable about their fears, guilt and shame...and sometimes hold onto their feelings and never share them. Fear of judgment or rejection is what keeps us from being ONE HUNDRED PERCENT honest about our mistakes and doubts.

Among the things people hide:

-Addiction (pornography, alcohol, tobacco, drugs, shopping, eating too much, not eating enough). When people turn to any of these things to cope with daily life, it can indicate past hurt and pain, and a way to avoid things that are difficult to face.

-Sexual assault/abuse. People feel guilty or have a fear of being judged if they disclose this. And so many people have sexual trauma as part of their story! If this is part of your story it can be healing to share it with a trusted friend or a trained trauma therapist/counselor. (Contact me for a referral.) Sexual Trauma Services of the Midlands offers assistance for those in the midlands of South Carolina.

-Marital problems. There is NO perfect marriage. People often have a “public marriage” and a “private marriage”. And the two don’t match at all. Give yourself permission to know that there is no marriage without conflict! We have all learned about marriage and family from the way we were parented and the way our parents communicated with each other. I think everybody needs marriage counseling before they get married and after marriage when things start to go wrong. And they will!

-Fear that we are not unconditionally loved. This is a difficult thing for people to talk about or to even recognize. If you had parents who were stressed, distant, or didn’t know how to parent because they were young and dealing with issues of their own, then you may have issues with feeling safe and attached to your spouse, your friends, or even your own children. Signs of this include the inability to forgive hurts, feeling afraid to admit fears, and unhealthy coping methods (turning to food, tv, alcohol, etc. )

There are many fears and there are always other people who have the same fears. You are never alone!

If you have something you really need to share then please consider being brave and doing it. Share with a trusted friend, your spouse, your pastor, or with God. If I can help you in any way to figure out how to share…please contact me via the information on this website.

Above all…just know that your feelings are normal…

This blog was inspired by a real conversation with a trusted friend… Thank you!

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC

How Do I Know If I Have Anxiety?

Worry is a normal part of all our lives. Everybody worries about work or children or a pending result of a medical test. So how do we know if worrying or a feeling of unease is more than just life adjustment? Generalized Anxiety Disorder is a treatable mental health diagnosis that involves worrying that is difficult or even impossible to control without help.  Here is a list of symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder:

1)  Excessive anxiety and worry about a variety of topics, events or activities. Worry occurs more often than not for at least 6 months and is excessive, even when there is nothing wrong. In adults, the worry can be about health, money, or everyday life circumstances. In children, the worry is likely to be about their abilities or the quality of their performance (i.e. school performance).

2)  The worry is very difficult to control and may shift from one topic to another. The worry can cause difficulty concentrating.

3)  The anxiety and worry are associated with at least three of the following physical or cognitive symptoms:

- Edginess, restlessness

-Tiring easily, feeling more fatigued than usual

-Irritability

-Increased muscle aches/soreness; increased heart rate.

-Trouble falling asleep, or staying asleep, or both

4)  The worry or anxiety cause significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

5)  The symptoms are not due to a physical issue such as substance abuse, medication, or a medical condition (such as a thyroid problem).

If you have several of these symptoms, or you just need to ask questions and explore your thoughts with someone, contact a mental health provider in your area. Generalized Anxiety Disorder is treatable with medication and/or counseling. If you are having thoughts of self-harm, please seek emergency help from your local hospital or an emergency care facility or call 911. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.  (Symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder obtained from DSM-5, American Psychiatric Association)

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC

How Do I Know If I'm Depressed?

Sometimes people can identify multiple mood-related symptoms, and then are surprised to learn they have depression. Everyone goes through life stressors…health problems, loss of a job, financial strain, or grief. And there is an adjustment process of working through feelings and gaining more acceptance of these difficult life events. It is normal to feel stressed, down, sad, anxious and even hopeless during these times. So how do you know if your feelings are a matter of adjusting to a life crisis versus a diagnosis of Depressive Disorder? Here is a list of symptoms of Major Depressive Disorder:

1)  Loss of interest or pleasure in things you previously enjoyed. (Social events, going to church, being with friends, reading, exercising, etc.)

2)  Feeling down, sad, empty nearly all day, every day. (Note: In children this can be expressed as irritability.)

3)  Changes in sleep. You may have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or be sleeping more than usual for you.

4)  Fatigue or loss of energy.

5)  Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness or guilt that do not subside when the crisis subsides.

6)  Trouble concentrating or indecisiveness.

7)  Thoughts of dying, or planning how you would take your life; past attempts at suicide.

If you have several of these symptoms, or you just need to ask questions and explore your thoughts with someone, contact a mental health provider in your area. If you are having thoughts of self-harm, please seek emergency help from your local hospital or an emergency care facility or call 911. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.  (Symptoms of depression obtained from DSM-5, American Psychiatric Association)

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC

Cleaning Out Closets

I read a book a year or so ago about how to declutter and get rid of things you don’t need. The book is called “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing” by Marie Kondo. One of my friends said the book is “way out there” but I read it with an open mind and took away the things that were helpful. The author says if you don’t use it, wear it, read it (or use it in some way) and it doesn’t “spark joy” then you don’t need to keep it. 

I’ve been literally and figuratively cleaning out closets in my house this weekend. I used to have difficulty parting with sentimental items. I still struggle with it just a little, but I have gotten much better. My mother is the closest person I’ve lost in my life. After her death about 4 years ago I kept a big garbage bag of her clothing, dried flowers from her funeral, things she had made. Today I parted with more of her things by reminding myself that SHE is in my heart. I remember the mom she was when I was a little girl. I remember her soft, sweet voice. I remember how much she loved my daughter. There are so many memories in my heart. And I can keep those with me wherever I go.

It felt good today to take a load of useable clothing and other items to a local agency that will ensure they are given to people in need. And to end the day at a restaurant eating pizza and French fries with my husband, my daughter and son-in-law, and my almost 16-month-old granddaughter. That time was a memory made. That time spent together is the joy!

Maybe you are holding onto things because you feel guilty, disrespectful, or sad about letting them go. Try telling yourself that the person and their memory is in your heart and that is what matters. The joy comes from memories and feelings about past experiences and losses. The joy is always in our hearts…

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter LLC, 3-10-2018

How Our Thoughts Can Affect Our Feelings

There is a treatment commonly used by therapists called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT for short. Simply put, CBT helps people recognize unhelpful thought patterns. It’s about noticing what you are thinking instead of just thinking, thinking, thinking…

There are numerous online resources for CBT education and worksheets. I use one in my practice from the Psychology Tools website. It lists several unhelpful styles of thinking such as magnification or blowing things out of proportion, focusing more on mistakes than successes, using judgmental words with ourselves like “I should”, “I must”, or worrying about a future event we have no control over.

Try an experiment where you take a day or even an hour and observe your thoughts at regular intervals, particularly if you are feeling worried, anxious, or down. Notice what you are saying to yourself. Are you beating yourself up for something you wish you had done? Are you trying to figure out how something in the future is going to turn out, even though it’s something you cannot change or control? Are you thinking someone is upset with you although you have no evidence to indicate this is true?

If you find that you are thinking in these ways, just notice it. Don’t try to change it or “fix it”. That can be unhelpful too. Just noticing can help slow our thoughts, calm our body’s reaction to stress, and reduce unhelpful thinking patterns.

If you would like to learn more about CBT and how to use it to help slow down your anxious thoughts, contact a licensed therapist who is trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

 Gayla W. Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC, 2/23/2018

Single for Valentine's Day

Some Ways to Make It Easier

If you’ve ever read about the history of Valentine’s Day then you know it did not start out the way it has ended up. It has only been in the last century or so that it became more about couples and outward expressions of love and romance.

Living in an Air Force/Army base town I often see families separated from loved ones during Thanksgiving, Christmas and other holidays. Valentine’s Day is a day that can be sad and lonely for some too. If you’ve had a recent breakup or maybe have even lost a spouse or partner, then you probably wish you could sleep through February 14th. Here are a couple things you can do if you do not have a partner this Valentine’s Day.

• Take a day for yourself. Missing all those flower deliveries to the office might make this a good day to ask for a day off from work. Use the day to do something for yourself that you might not normally do such as sleeping a little later or binge watching your favorite tv show. Use some free time during the day to plan something fun for the weekend so you aren’t focusing so much on the day.

• Remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with being single. Everybody is single at one time or another. If this is your first Valentine’s Day after a breakup or loss, seek out friends and meet for coffee or a walk. And if your friends are all working, take your pet for a walk, look around in a book store, or treat yourself to a double scoop of your favorite ice cream! I’ve even had a triple scoop!

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter LLC

Uncertainty and Anxiety

Everybody has anxiety at one time or another. This is our body’s normal state of “fight or flight” when we need to react to a situation. But for some people the symptoms of anxiety (excessive worry, difficulty concentrating, feeling on edge, sleep problems, irritability) can occur when we don’t need them to. Clients report that anxiety causes increased heart rate, shallow breathing, or an uncomfortable feeling of discomfort in the throat or chest. Anxiety can feel like dread but there often isn’t an identifiable trigger for these feelings. For some people there may be a past traumatic event they haven’t worked through or something unresolved in a relationship that is causing these symptoms. For others it might be a problem coping with uncertainty.

Some time ago I ran across an article about a link between anxiety and uncertainty. I’ve shared it with many clients and they have all said they found the information helpful and could identify that they had trouble coping with uncertainty. I recently did more research on this and found numerous online resources. Julie Beck had a recent article in The Atlantic magazine. She said people would rather get an electric shock now, than to know they may be shocked later.

I’ve talked with people who were waiting on a health diagnosis who said something like “I want to know the bad news and have a plan to address it rather than to keep waiting.” Think about the stress of waiting to find out if you got the job you interviewed for versus knowing you did (or didn’t) get the job. We want to know versus not knowing.

So, what to do about coping with uncertainty? Notice what you are thinking. Are you expecting bad news? Are you turning the situation into a catastrophe? Are you terrible at waiting? You can do some self-talk and remind yourself that you are resilient and have gotten through stressful situations before. We all have things that are uncertain every day. And we can’t predict the future. Just thinking about how you react when things are uncertain and working on more acceptance of your inability to control reactions of others, outcomes, etc. can be helpful. If you worry more than you can tolerate, contact someone who can help you with resources for coping with anxiety.

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC 1/29/2018

3 Ways to Help Depression

1)     Exercise – This is on most every list of ways to help depression. Getting your heart rate up (and most resources say it doesn’t have to be for very long) helps you physically and mentally. If you can get outside in the sun and fresh air for a quick brisk walk, you will notice that you feel refreshed and your mind may even feel clearer. If the weather doesn’t permit outdoor activity you can walk indoors at your local mall, do some stretching at home, or dust off the treadmill or stationary bike. Don’t judge yourself if you only have 5 or 10 minutes to exercise. It counts!

2)     Interact with others – Even if you think you might be an introvert, interacting with people is a good way to boost your mood. Take the step to call someone and invite them for coffee. Join a local civic group or volunteer to help a local service organization. Join a local church or if you are already attending, look for a smaller group to join. If your health or life circumstances have you feeling isolated, contact a pastor or counselor and set up an appointment to talk. No matter your situation, there is someone who can help.

3)     Tap into your creativity – Most people have a creative side. If you’ve always wanted to play a musical instrument, call and start lessons today! If you love art, get involved with your local art gallery and sign up for a class. Learn another language. Learn sign language. Even if you are a math lover, you can find a creative way to use your skills. Consider volunteering as a tutor at a local school.

If you are depressed, then any of these 3 things may seem like a mountain you aren’t sure you can climb. Depression can be so severe that it takes away the motivation to do anything. So just do small steps. If you do more today than you did yesterday then that is progress. Don’t judge yourself and try your best. Always contact a local mental health provider if you feel your depression is so severe you are not functioning. There is help!

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter LLC

Effects of Childhood Trauma in Adults...

If you’ve read anything about mental health recently you have probably seen articles or books about trauma.  Many people think of trauma as something caused by a significant event…a serious automobile accident, military combat, a robbery or sexual assault. Although these are certainly some of the major causes of post-traumatic stress, the effects of trauma can also be seen in people who grew up in poverty, had a parent who was addicted to alcohol or drugs, or had a caregiver with an unmanaged mental illness.

The International Society for Trauma Stress Studies reports that when a child is abused or neglected it can have a major impact on the person in adulthood and can impact emotional, mental, and physical health. And very importantly that the physical part of trauma can cause a “heightened stress response”. Many people who seek therapy have anxiety or even frequent panic attacks but can’t seem to identify a current stressor that would be causing symptoms. Often after they have shared their story it comes to light that they grew up with uncertainty (I’ll write more about this in an upcoming blog) or insecurity. And they don’t realize this may still be keeping their bodies in a heightened state of anxiety.

I recently completed a certification in Family Trauma. In the classes, we learned about the physiological actions of the autonomic nervous system. To put it in simple terms a person’s “fight or flight” system is always activated. So, it doesn’t take much to push them into an a very activated (stress, anxiety, panic, etc.) state. Sometimes just sharing about the past and learning about this physical response is helpful. And there are many ways to help people learn simple calming and grounding techniques. If symptoms are severe there may be a need for medication to help manage them. But the good news is, with counseling and medication if needed, most people report significant improvement.

 Gayla W. Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter LLC, 1-13-2018

How To Grow Your Private Counseling Practice

Once you’ve started your counseling practice you will want it to continue to reflect your values as a person and to represent those values in the community where you serve.  Identify what is important to you. Do you want to have a professional reputation? Do you want to create a special feeling for your clients when they walk into your office? Do you want to build relationships with your clients and the providers who are referring clients to you?

I knew when I started my counseling practice that I wanted a professional atmosphere in my office, and I also wanted people to feel welcomed and treated with respect. I wanted them to feel comfortable and at ease with me and their surroundings. I wanted them to know I would be on time for appointments and they would have my full attention in our sessions together.  I also wanted people to be able to easily find information about me online and for my online presence to represent me as a person.

So here are some things I do…

I meet with local health providers and tell them about myself and my practice. My awesome son-in-law (heymatthew.com) created a flyer with my logo and information for me to hand out.

I agree to speak at local events (You will be asked by churches and other organizations to speak on your area of expertise.)

I stick to my values in my relationships with clients. (Be on time, be my authentic self, be someone my clients/families can trust, provide a comforting and safe/non-judgmental environment.)

I applied to be a provider with insurance panels that are common in the community where I live and work. This way I can bill insurance for those who cannot afford to pay out-of-pocket for counseling services. I also applied to be a provider for employee assistance programs in my area.

I offer appointments for people who needed a sliding fee scale due to financial hardship.

I continue to learn and grow as a counselor. My specialty areas in which I have training and knowledge include grief/loss, coping with physical pain and limitations, adolescent issues, depression, post trauma issues, and anxiety. I just completed a certification in family trauma, because so many people who come to me have a history of childhood trauma. 

I am still learning and growing and that won’t stop. If you are looking for a counselor, I would love to talk to you and set up an appointment to meet with you. If I don’t have an immediate opening I also have an experienced counselor in my office who is accepting new clients and has similar values. If our office doesn’t match what you are looking for…I know other wonderful therapists in my area who I can refer you to.

Happy New Year!

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter LLC,  1/8/2018

This Is My Dad...

I gave my Dad his Christmas gifts today. My family gave him a big, fat book about the works of Josephus. He told me he already owned the book, and by the way the hardcover not the paperback, and that he’d already read it. I was not surprised by any of this information. My Dad is a reader, a history buff, and a teacher (though not by profession). He loves learning and knows a lot about the history of battles, religion, and movies, just to name a few things. He has an extensive DVD collection and he will tell you about an entire movie, mostly word for word, if you don’t stop him. He loves watching “The Big Bang Theory” and would love to hang out with Sheldon if he could.  

I met my Dad when I was about 13 years old. He started coming over to see my mom at our house. I’d never known anyone like him before. His family roots were from the northern United States and his grandparents were Portuguese. His grandfather spoke loudly and kissed me on both cheeks when I met him. The only people I had ever known in my life were from the south. While wooing my mom my dad loved cooking things like Chicken Cacciatore and Sweet and Sour Meatballs. I’d never known a man who cooked, and much less those fancy foods I’d never eaten. He was always playing records and often in the classical genre which didn’t interest me then. But he also sprinkled in a little Cat Stevens, Simon & Garfunkel, Elton John. For that reason, I tried to think that maybe somewhere down in there was a little bit of a “cool guy”.

Some 40+ years later this cool guy is my Dad. He forgave me for all my teenage sassiness and staying out past curfew while he tried to support my mom in raising a strong-willed teenage girl. He taught me how to drive his red/orange stick shift Volkswagen Beetle and he wasn’t mad at me when I totaled it not long afterward. He gave me emotional support during some difficult life stages. He loved my daughter with every ounce of his being and he has always been her Bampy. He took care of my mom in the last year of her life and it was not easy. And he did a good job. He stood by me at her funeral and we mourned her loss together.

I looked at my Dad’s face today as he was watching my 13-month-old granddaughter run around the restaurant table where my family had lunch together. He was sitting by his wife who has also joined our family and my son-in-law who is my son, and he was laughing at baby Addie. Our relationship helps me understand how anyone can be family. And that being chosen is a very special thing for a daughter!

Happy New Year! Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, 12/31/2017

A Writing About Grief

(A writing about grief…)

I had my own notion of grief.

I thought it was the sad time

That followed the death of

Someone you love.

And you had to push through it

To get to the other side.

But I’m learning there is no other side.

There is no pushing through.

But rather,

There is absorption.

Adjustment.

Acceptance.

And grief is not something you complete,

But rather, you endure.

Grief is not a task to finish

And move on,

But an element of yourself-

An alteration of your being.

A new way of seeing.

A new definition of self.

-Gwen Flowers

I’ve seen this grief writing online a few times recently. I like how it starts with the idea of having our own notion of grief. I think most of us have that. Until we’ve gone through it ourselves we think we have an idea of how we’ll handle loss or maybe even how other people should handle their loss. But then a loved one dies suddenly and we have no time to try to adapt to the loss. Or a loved one has a prolonged illness, and we have thoughts we never imagined we would have. “I wish my spouse would die now.” “I hope God will spare my brother soon.”

Often, people put expectations on themselves about how they should grieve or how long grief should last. I worked for years as a hospice social worker and I kept in touch with families after the death of patients. I heard so many people saying things like “I shouldn’t feel this way.” “It’s been 2 years. I should be over it by now.”  “I’m an adult. I shouldn’t feel so sad that I just lost my 85-year-old mother.”

Like this grief poem says, grief doesn’t have an agenda or a time frame. It doesn’t look or feel the same for you as it does for someone else. Feelings of loss are not right or wrong. So, give yourself time to go through the shock, depression, denial, anger, and uncertainty. And know that however you feel is alright. If you need help with learning about grief and working through your feelings…talk to someone. You can reach out to a friend who has experienced a similar loss, a chaplain or pastor, or a therapist with experience in grief and loss. Especially during this holiday season, grief can make you feel alone. But remember there are places to get help and support and to learn that your grief is “normal”.

Gayla W. Partin, LISW-CP, 12-25-2017

Am I Ready To Share My Story?

People often believe that something in their past makes them a uniquely “bad” person. It could be a choice they have made or even something inflicted on them by another person.  You may be a person who has something in your past that makes you feel this way. You may be thinking…What if I tell another person and they judge me, dismiss me, or just don’t understand the hurt behind my story? But on the other side of this…What if there are people who have been through something close to what I’ve been through? What if there is someone who feels like I do?

There is likely nothing traumatic in your past that someone else has not experienced.  This is not to take away from whatever you have been through or to minimize it, but rather to help you feel that “You are normal” and someone else understands. These “secrets” do not define who you are as a person, and you can move through and share experiences in your life in a safe setting.

How do you know if you may be ready to share your experience with someone else?

-It keeps coming up in your thoughts and it feels unresolved.

-You have anxiety or sadness and you aren’t sure what it is causing it.

-You have a feeling of uncertainty but you don’t really know why.

Maybe it’s time to share your story.  If this feels right to you, then do some research and find a therapist in your area and make an appointment. A trained, licensed counselor will certainly help you by either offering their services, or helping you find someone who feels like a good fit for you.

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP. 12-9-2017.

Starting a Private Practice - In a Small"ish" Southern Town

Three years ago, I opened a private counseling practice in Sumter SC.  I had several years of experience as a hospice social worker as well as work in a community health agency providing counseling in the behavioral health department. If you are considering private practice I highly recommend that you work in a local mental health agency where there is supervision by a psychiatrist and other therapists. I have found that experience to be invaluable in my current work as far as diagnoses, knowledge of medication, and meeting insurance guidelines for note-taking during sessions with clients.

A FEW STEPS TO CONSIDER IN OPENING A PRACTICE:

• Determine type of business – I applied for a Limited Liability Corporation (LLC) – This provides protections from liability. (Ask your tax advisor or attorney as this can vary state to state.)
• Apply for Federal Tax ID number – I did this in preparation for future growth of my business, but as a sole practitioner you don’t have to do this.
• Locate a space for practice. Do you want to lease? Or rent a space from another provider
• Zoning approval – You may need to provide your type of business, meet fire codes, check on parking issues, etc.
• Business license – Apply at your City or County office.
• Apply for malpractice and liability insurance.
• Apply for a National Provider Identification number (NPI) if you don’t have one.
• Complete applications if you plan to accept health insurance. These are done through each insurance company and can be a bit tedious. Some counselors do not accept insurance but I feel that it is helpful to my clients to file insurance for them. I also have a designated number of slots for sliding fee scale.  
• Create forms to be used in your practice. (Intake, Progress Note, Consent to Treat, Disclosure Statement, HIPAA, etc.)
• Determine fees, type of payment you will accept, open a business banking account. I also opened a merchant account to be able to accept debit and credit cards.
• Marketing – Do you want a business logo? (My son-in-law happens to be a graphic designer and helped me with this. Thanks heymatthew.com!) Business cards? Do you need signage for outside/inside of office? (I have my logo on my signs, business cards, letterhead, etc. It’s good to be consistent.)
• Social media/web presence – Do you want a business website? (Again, my son-in-law and my daughter (thanks Jenna!) helped me with this.)  Lucky to have this talent in my family but you can find someone talented in your area!)  See my website at CounselingSumter.com. I also  have a business twitter account. (@Counselsumter) and a business email address (info@counselingsumter.com).
• Furniture, laptops, coffee makers and other miscellaneous stuff for your office. I like to offer coffee, tea or a cold bottle of water to my clients when they come in. Make it special! ***

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP. 11-25-2017