Dr. Brene’ Brown is a research professor, best-selling author, speaker, and social worker. I’m proud to say I’m a social worker too! If you’ve read any of her books then you know that she has studied and written a lot about shame and vulnerability and being brave. I recommend that you read her writing if you have an interest in digging deep into your own “stuff”.
People are afraid to be vulnerable about their fears, guilt and shame...and sometimes hold onto their feelings and never share them. Fear of judgment or rejection is what keeps us from being ONE HUNDRED PERCENT honest about our mistakes and doubts.
Among the things people hide:
-Addiction (pornography, alcohol, tobacco, drugs, shopping, eating too much, not eating enough). When people turn to any of these things to cope with daily life, it can indicate past hurt and pain, and a way to avoid things that are difficult to face.
-Sexual assault/abuse. People feel guilty or have a fear of being judged if they disclose this. And so many people have sexual trauma as part of their story! If this is part of your story it can be healing to share it with a trusted friend or a trained trauma therapist/counselor. (Contact me for a referral.) Sexual Trauma Services of the Midlands offers assistance for those in the midlands of South Carolina.
-Marital problems. There is NO perfect marriage. People often have a “public marriage” and a “private marriage”. And the two don’t match at all. Give yourself permission to know that there is no marriage without conflict! We have all learned about marriage and family from the way we were parented and the way our parents communicated with each other. I think everybody needs marriage counseling before they get married and after marriage when things start to go wrong. And they will!
-Fear that we are not unconditionally loved. This is a difficult thing for people to talk about or to even recognize. If you had parents who were stressed, distant, or didn’t know how to parent because they were young and dealing with issues of their own, then you may have issues with feeling safe and attached to your spouse, your friends, or even your own children. Signs of this include the inability to forgive hurts, feeling afraid to admit fears, and unhealthy coping methods (turning to food, tv, alcohol, etc. )
There are many fears and there are always other people who have the same fears. You are never alone!
If you have something you really need to share then please consider being brave and doing it. Share with a trusted friend, your spouse, your pastor, or with God. If I can help you in any way to figure out how to share…please contact me via the information on this website.
Above all…just know that your feelings are normal…
This blog was inspired by a real conversation with a trusted friend… Thank you!
Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC