How Our Thoughts Can Affect Our Feelings

There is a treatment commonly used by therapists called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT for short. Simply put, CBT helps people recognize unhelpful thought patterns. It’s about noticing what you are thinking instead of just thinking, thinking, thinking…

There are numerous online resources for CBT education and worksheets. I use one in my practice from the Psychology Tools website. It lists several unhelpful styles of thinking such as magnification or blowing things out of proportion, focusing more on mistakes than successes, using judgmental words with ourselves like “I should”, “I must”, or worrying about a future event we have no control over.

Try an experiment where you take a day or even an hour and observe your thoughts at regular intervals, particularly if you are feeling worried, anxious, or down. Notice what you are saying to yourself. Are you beating yourself up for something you wish you had done? Are you trying to figure out how something in the future is going to turn out, even though it’s something you cannot change or control? Are you thinking someone is upset with you although you have no evidence to indicate this is true?

If you find that you are thinking in these ways, just notice it. Don’t try to change it or “fix it”. That can be unhelpful too. Just noticing can help slow our thoughts, calm our body’s reaction to stress, and reduce unhelpful thinking patterns.

If you would like to learn more about CBT and how to use it to help slow down your anxious thoughts, contact a licensed therapist who is trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

 Gayla W. Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC, 2/23/2018

Effects of Childhood Trauma in Adults...

If you’ve read anything about mental health recently you have probably seen articles or books about trauma.  Many people think of trauma as something caused by a significant event…a serious automobile accident, military combat, a robbery or sexual assault. Although these are certainly some of the major causes of post-traumatic stress, the effects of trauma can also be seen in people who grew up in poverty, had a parent who was addicted to alcohol or drugs, or had a caregiver with an unmanaged mental illness.

The International Society for Trauma Stress Studies reports that when a child is abused or neglected it can have a major impact on the person in adulthood and can impact emotional, mental, and physical health. And very importantly that the physical part of trauma can cause a “heightened stress response”. Many people who seek therapy have anxiety or even frequent panic attacks but can’t seem to identify a current stressor that would be causing symptoms. Often after they have shared their story it comes to light that they grew up with uncertainty (I’ll write more about this in an upcoming blog) or insecurity. And they don’t realize this may still be keeping their bodies in a heightened state of anxiety.

I recently completed a certification in Family Trauma. In the classes, we learned about the physiological actions of the autonomic nervous system. To put it in simple terms a person’s “fight or flight” system is always activated. So, it doesn’t take much to push them into an a very activated (stress, anxiety, panic, etc.) state. Sometimes just sharing about the past and learning about this physical response is helpful. And there are many ways to help people learn simple calming and grounding techniques. If symptoms are severe there may be a need for medication to help manage them. But the good news is, with counseling and medication if needed, most people report significant improvement.

 Gayla W. Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter LLC, 1-13-2018

A Writing About Grief

(A writing about grief…)

 

I had my own notion of grief.

I thought it was the sad time

That followed the death of

Someone you love.

And you had to push through it

To get to the other side.

But I’m learning there is no other side.

There is no pushing through.

But rather,

There is absorption.

Adjustment.

Acceptance.

And grief is not something you complete,

But rather, you endure.

Grief is not a task to finish

And move on,

But an element of yourself-

An alteration of your being.

A new way of seeing.

A new definition of self.

-Gwen Flowers

 

I’ve seen this grief writing online a few times recently. I like how it starts with the idea of having our own notion of grief. I think most of us have that. Until we’ve gone through it ourselves we think we have an idea of how we’ll handle loss or maybe even how other people should handle their loss. But then a loved one dies suddenly and we have no time to try to adapt to the loss. Or a loved one has a prolonged illness, and we have thoughts we never imagined we would have. “I wish my spouse would die now.” “I hope God will spare my brother soon.”

Often, people put expectations on themselves about how they should grieve or how long grief should last. I worked for years as a hospice social worker and I kept in touch with families after the death of patients. I heard so many people saying things like “I shouldn’t feel this way.” “It’s been 2 years. I should be over it by now.”  “I’m an adult. I shouldn’t feel so sad that I just lost my 85-year-old mother.”

Like this grief poem says, grief doesn’t have an agenda or a time frame. It doesn’t look or feel the same for you as it does for someone else. Feelings of loss are not right or wrong. So, give yourself time to go through the shock, depression, denial, anger, and uncertainty. And know that however you feel is alright. If you need help with learning about grief and working through your feelings…talk to someone. You can reach out to a friend who has experienced a similar loss, a chaplain or pastor, or a therapist with experience in grief and loss. Especially during this holiday season, grief can make you feel alone. But remember there are places to get help and support and to learn that your grief is “normal”.

Gayla W. Partin, LISW-CP, 12-25-2017

Am I Ready To Share My Story?

People often believe that something in their past makes them a uniquely “bad” person. It could be a choice they have made or even something inflicted on them by another person.  You may be a person who has something in your past that makes you feel this way. You may be thinking…What if I tell another person and they judge me, dismiss me, or just don’t understand the hurt behind my story? But on the other side of this…What if there are people who have been through something close to what I’ve been through? What if there is someone who feels like I do?

There is likely nothing traumatic in your past that someone else has not experienced.  This is not to take away from whatever you have been through or to minimize it, but rather to help you feel that “You are normal” and someone else understands. These “secrets” do not define who you are as a person, and you can move through and share experiences in your life in a safe setting.

How do you know if you may be ready to share your experience with someone else?

-It keeps coming up in your thoughts and it feels unresolved.

-You have anxiety or sadness and you aren’t sure what it is causing it.

-You have a feeling of uncertainty but you don’t really know why.

Maybe it’s time to share your story.  If this feels right to you, then do some research and find a therapist in your area and make an appointment. A trained, licensed counselor will certainly help you by either offering their services, or helping you find someone who feels like a good fit for you.

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP. 12-9-2017.

Starting a Private Practice - In a Small"ish" Southern Town

Three years ago, I opened a private counseling practice in Sumter SC.  I had several years of experience as a hospice social worker as well as work in a community health agency providing counseling in the behavioral health department. If you are considering private practice I highly recommend that you work in a local mental health agency where there is supervision by a psychiatrist and other therapists. I have found that experience to be invaluable in my current work as far as diagnoses, knowledge of medication, and meeting insurance guidelines for note-taking during sessions with clients.

A FEW STEPS TO CONSIDER IN OPENING A PRACTICE:

  • Determine type of business – I applied for a Limited Liability Corporation (LLC) – This provides protections from liability. (Ask your tax advisor or attorney as this can vary state to state.)
  • Apply for Federal Tax ID number – I did this in preparation for future growth of my business, but as a sole practitioner you don’t have to do this.
  • Locate a space for practice. Do you want to lease? Or rent a space from another provider
  • Zoning approval – You may need to provide your type of business, meet fire codes, check on parking issues, etc.
  • Business license – Apply at your City or County office.
  • Apply for malpractice and liability insurance.
  • Apply for a National Provider Identification number (NPI) if you don’t have one.
  • Complete applications if you plan to accept health insurance. These are done through each insurance company and can be a bit tedious. Some counselors do not accept insurance but I feel that it is helpful to my clients to file insurance for them. I also have a designated number of slots for sliding fee scale.  
  • Create forms to be used in your practice. (Intake, Progress Note, Consent to Treat, Disclosure Statement, HIPAA, etc.)
  • Determine fees, type of payment you will accept, open a business banking account. I also opened a merchant account to be able to accept debit and credit cards.
  • Marketing – Do you want a business logo? (My son-in-law happens to be a graphic designer and helped me with this. Thanks heymatthew.com!) Business cards? Do you need signage for outside/inside of office? (I have my logo on my signs, business cards, letterhead, etc. It’s good to be consistent.)
  • Social media/web presence – Do you want a business website? (Again, my son-in-law and my daughter (thanks Jenna!) helped me with this.)  Lucky to have this talent in my family but you can find someone talented in your area!)  See my website at CounselingSumter.com. I also  have a business twitter account. (@Counselsumter) and a business email address (info@counselingsumter.com).
  • Furniture, laptops, coffee makers and other miscellaneous stuff for your office. I like to offer coffee, tea or a cold bottle of water to my clients when they come in. Make it special! ***

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP. 11-25-2017