Them and Us

I studied Social Work in college. I was drawn to the study of learning more about people, families, cultures and government policies. In many of my classes we had very real discussions about mental health, social groups, racism, people who live in poverty, people with disabilities, people who are different from us in any way. My classes were made up of people who were mostly accepting of differences, people who didn’t want to be judgmental. We even discussed how we all judge others, even though we like to think that we are not judgmental.

            One of my professors was a wonderful story teller and she could take a simple experience and share it in a way that had a profound effect on her students. I remember a story she told about her husband being out of town and she got a rock in her tire on the interstate and the tire went flat. She called AAA to come and change her tire. She said she thought about the privilege she had to pick up her cell phone and call for assistance. She shared that in a short time, she went from sitting in her flat-tired car with her teenage son, to being on the drive back home. The story took a turn when she reminded us that there are people who walk 5 miles in the hot sun with their children to get a bowl of mush to eat. No car, no health care, no air conditioning, no electricity, no fresh water, no toilet.

            I meet people in my work who tell me they are saddened by the state of our country and by the way people are treating others. There are anxious and depressed people who feel they can no longer tolerate watching the news because it is all about people hurting other people and leaders who have lost sight of what matters. I’m not sure what all those things are that “matter”. But I can say with certainty that ALL people matter and if we stood side-by-side with the people who walk 5 miles for food, God would see us all the same.

            I talk to people about respecting themselves & having healthy emotional boundaries with their spouse, their friends, their employers. Boundaries are necessary for good relationships and for maintaining peace and order. But boundaries do not mean there is “Us” and there is “Them”. I can say with all certainty there is only “Us”. I want to watch the news and not have to brace myself for the hate and lack of respect that have become the norm. I want for all of you who have shared with me your depression and anxiety about the way we are treating each other, that we might one day be able to talk about how we see even the smallest shift; that those of us who are blessed with having our daily needs met would care equally for those who are walking a long way every day just to survive.                                                                      -Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, 1-14-2020

But the Greatest of These Is Love

The book of Corinthians in the Bible was written by Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus. When my husband and I got married we had a reading from this book. Love is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not proud. Love does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (JB 😊)

So many people are talking about the stress and worry of what is going on in our country and our world right now. I talk to people in my practice who tell me they have developed anxiety about the way people are treating each other. They tell me they have stopped watching the news because it is too upsetting. I have personally felt this way too. I am torn between staying involved in what is going on in my community, my city, my country…and being able to have calmness in my heart and to sleep at night.

I know this love that Paul speaks about, because I am a wife to the most forgiving and loving man I have ever known. I know it because I am a mother to a daughter who I would protect first, before myself. I know because of my son-in-law who I love as part of my family. I know because of the indescribable love for my grand-daughter. And I am very loved by the man I call Dad. (see previous blog).

So, what do we do with our fears and worries? What do we do when we see every day on social media that political beliefs have turned into disrespect among friends and family members? What do we do when we see that the description of love given by Paul is not reflected in the world around us?

Comfort yourself in this knowledge. We cannot change other people. We cannot control our politicians. We cannot stop war, disease, death, poverty. We cannot stop hatred. But we as individuals can show love to other people and remember the life of the One who created us ALL and showed us clearly how to love.

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC, 11-18-2018

How Do I Know If I Have Anxiety?

Worry is a normal part of all our lives. Everybody worries about work or children or a pending result of a medical test. So how do we know if worrying or a feeling of unease is more than just life adjustment? Generalized Anxiety Disorder is a treatable mental health diagnosis that involves worrying that is difficult or even impossible to control without help.  Here is a list of symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder:

1)  Excessive anxiety and worry about a variety of topics, events or activities. Worry occurs more often than not for at least 6 months and is excessive, even when there is nothing wrong. In adults, the worry can be about health, money, or everyday life circumstances. In children, the worry is likely to be about their abilities or the quality of their performance (i.e. school performance).

2)  The worry is very difficult to control and may shift from one topic to another. The worry can cause difficulty concentrating.

3)  The anxiety and worry are associated with at least three of the following physical or cognitive symptoms:

- Edginess, restlessness

-Tiring easily, feeling more fatigued than usual

-Irritability

-Increased muscle aches/soreness; increased heart rate.

-Trouble falling asleep, or staying asleep, or both

4)  The worry or anxiety cause significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

5)  The symptoms are not due to a physical issue such as substance abuse, medication, or a medical condition (such as a thyroid problem).

If you have several of these symptoms, or you just need to ask questions and explore your thoughts with someone, contact a mental health provider in your area. Generalized Anxiety Disorder is treatable with medication and/or counseling. If you are having thoughts of self-harm, please seek emergency help from your local hospital or an emergency care facility or call 911. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.  (Symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder obtained from DSM-5, American Psychiatric Association)

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC

How Do I Know If I'm Depressed?

Sometimes people can identify multiple mood-related symptoms, and then are surprised to learn they have depression. Everyone goes through life stressors…health problems, loss of a job, financial strain, or grief. And there is an adjustment process of working through feelings and gaining more acceptance of these difficult life events. It is normal to feel stressed, down, sad, anxious and even hopeless during these times. So how do you know if your feelings are a matter of adjusting to a life crisis versus a diagnosis of Depressive Disorder? Here is a list of symptoms of Major Depressive Disorder:

1)  Loss of interest or pleasure in things you previously enjoyed. (Social events, going to church, being with friends, reading, exercising, etc.)

2)  Feeling down, sad, empty nearly all day, every day. (Note: In children this can be expressed as irritability.)

3)  Changes in sleep. You may have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or be sleeping more than usual for you.

4)  Fatigue or loss of energy.

5)  Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness or guilt that do not subside when the crisis subsides.

6)  Trouble concentrating or indecisiveness.

7)  Thoughts of dying, or planning how you would take your life; past attempts at suicide.

If you have several of these symptoms, or you just need to ask questions and explore your thoughts with someone, contact a mental health provider in your area. If you are having thoughts of self-harm, please seek emergency help from your local hospital or an emergency care facility or call 911. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.  (Symptoms of depression obtained from DSM-5, American Psychiatric Association)

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC

How Our Thoughts Can Affect Our Feelings

There is a treatment commonly used by therapists called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT for short. Simply put, CBT helps people recognize unhelpful thought patterns. It’s about noticing what you are thinking instead of just thinking, thinking, thinking…

There are numerous online resources for CBT education and worksheets. I use one in my practice from the Psychology Tools website. It lists several unhelpful styles of thinking such as magnification or blowing things out of proportion, focusing more on mistakes than successes, using judgmental words with ourselves like “I should”, “I must”, or worrying about a future event we have no control over.

Try an experiment where you take a day or even an hour and observe your thoughts at regular intervals, particularly if you are feeling worried, anxious, or down. Notice what you are saying to yourself. Are you beating yourself up for something you wish you had done? Are you trying to figure out how something in the future is going to turn out, even though it’s something you cannot change or control? Are you thinking someone is upset with you although you have no evidence to indicate this is true?

If you find that you are thinking in these ways, just notice it. Don’t try to change it or “fix it”. That can be unhelpful too. Just noticing can help slow our thoughts, calm our body’s reaction to stress, and reduce unhelpful thinking patterns.

If you would like to learn more about CBT and how to use it to help slow down your anxious thoughts, contact a licensed therapist who is trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

 Gayla W. Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC, 2/23/2018

Single for Valentine's Day

Some Ways to Make It Easier

If you’ve ever read about the history of Valentine’s Day then you know it did not start out the way it has ended up. It has only been in the last century or so that it became more about couples and outward expressions of love and romance.

Living in an Air Force/Army base town I often see families separated from loved ones during Thanksgiving, Christmas and other holidays. Valentine’s Day is a day that can be sad and lonely for some too. If you’ve had a recent breakup or maybe have even lost a spouse or partner, then you probably wish you could sleep through February 14th. Here are a couple things you can do if you do not have a partner this Valentine’s Day.

  • Take a day for yourself. Missing all those flower deliveries to the office might make this a good day to ask for a day off from work. Use the day to do something for yourself that you might not normally do such as sleeping a little later or binge watching your favorite tv show. Use some free time during the day to plan something fun for the weekend so you aren’t focusing so much on the day.
  • Remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with being single. Everybody is single at one time or another. If this is your first Valentine’s Day after a breakup or loss, seek out friends and meet for coffee or a walk. And if your friends are all working, take your pet for a walk, look around in a book store, or treat yourself to a double scoop of your favorite ice cream! I’ve even had a triple scoop!

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter LLC

Uncertainty and Anxiety

Everybody has anxiety at one time or another. This is our body’s normal state of “fight or flight” when we need to react to a situation. But for some people the symptoms of anxiety (excessive worry, difficulty concentrating, feeling on edge, sleep problems, irritability) can occur when we don’t need them to. Clients report that anxiety causes increased heart rate, shallow breathing, or an uncomfortable feeling of discomfort in the throat or chest. Anxiety can feel like dread but there often isn’t an identifiable trigger for these feelings. For some people there may be a past traumatic event they haven’t worked through or something unresolved in a relationship that is causing these symptoms. For others it might be a problem coping with uncertainty.

Some time ago I ran across an article about a link between anxiety and uncertainty. I’ve shared it with many clients and they have all said they found the information helpful and could identify that they had trouble coping with uncertainty. I recently did more research on this and found numerous online resources. Julie Beck had a recent article in The Atlantic magazine. She said people would rather get an electric shock now, than to know they may be shocked later.

I’ve talked with people who were waiting on a health diagnosis who said something like “I want to know the bad news and have a plan to address it rather than to keep waiting.” Think about the stress of waiting to find out if you got the job you interviewed for versus knowing you did (or didn’t) get the job. We want to know versus not knowing.

So, what to do about coping with uncertainty? Notice what you are thinking. Are you expecting bad news? Are you turning the situation into a catastrophe? Are you terrible at waiting? You can do some self-talk and remind yourself that you are resilient and have gotten through stressful situations before. We all have things that are uncertain every day. And we can’t predict the future. Just thinking about how you react when things are uncertain and working on more acceptance of your inability to control reactions of others, outcomes, etc. can be helpful. If you worry more than you can tolerate, contact someone who can help you with resources for coping with anxiety.

 

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC 1/29/2018

3 Ways to Help Depression

1)     Exercise – This is on most every list of ways to help depression. Getting your heart rate up (and most resources say it doesn’t have to be for very long) helps you physically and mentally. If you can get outside in the sun and fresh air for a quick brisk walk, you will notice that you feel refreshed and your mind may even feel clearer. If the weather doesn’t permit outdoor activity you can walk indoors at your local mall, do some stretching at home, or dust off the treadmill or stationary bike. Don’t judge yourself if you only have 5 or 10 minutes to exercise. It counts!

2)     Interact with others – Even if you think you might be an introvert, interacting with people is a good way to boost your mood. Take the step to call someone and invite them for coffee. Join a local civic group or volunteer to help a local service organization. Join a local church or if you are already attending, look for a smaller group to join. If your health or life circumstances have you feeling isolated, contact a pastor or counselor and set up an appointment to talk. No matter your situation, there is someone who can help.

3)     Tap into your creativity – Most people have a creative side. If you’ve always wanted to play a musical instrument, call and start lessons today! If you love art, get involved with your local art gallery and sign up for a class. Learn another language. Learn sign language. Even if you are a math lover, you can find a creative way to use your skills. Consider volunteering as a tutor at a local school.

 

If you are depressed, then any of these 3 things may seem like a mountain you aren’t sure you can climb. Depression can be so severe that it takes away the motivation to do anything. So just do small steps. If you do more today than you did yesterday then that is progress. Don’t judge yourself and try your best. Always contact a local mental health provider if you feel your depression is so severe you are not functioning. There is help!

 

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter LLC

Effects of Childhood Trauma in Adults...

If you’ve read anything about mental health recently you have probably seen articles or books about trauma.  Many people think of trauma as something caused by a significant event…a serious automobile accident, military combat, a robbery or sexual assault. Although these are certainly some of the major causes of post-traumatic stress, the effects of trauma can also be seen in people who grew up in poverty, had a parent who was addicted to alcohol or drugs, or had a caregiver with an unmanaged mental illness.

The International Society for Trauma Stress Studies reports that when a child is abused or neglected it can have a major impact on the person in adulthood and can impact emotional, mental, and physical health. And very importantly that the physical part of trauma can cause a “heightened stress response”. Many people who seek therapy have anxiety or even frequent panic attacks but can’t seem to identify a current stressor that would be causing symptoms. Often after they have shared their story it comes to light that they grew up with uncertainty (I’ll write more about this in an upcoming blog) or insecurity. And they don’t realize this may still be keeping their bodies in a heightened state of anxiety.

I recently completed a certification in Family Trauma. In the classes, we learned about the physiological actions of the autonomic nervous system. To put it in simple terms a person’s “fight or flight” system is always activated. So, it doesn’t take much to push them into an a very activated (stress, anxiety, panic, etc.) state. Sometimes just sharing about the past and learning about this physical response is helpful. And there are many ways to help people learn simple calming and grounding techniques. If symptoms are severe there may be a need for medication to help manage them. But the good news is, with counseling and medication if needed, most people report significant improvement.

 Gayla W. Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter LLC, 1-13-2018