What is Psychotherapy and How Does It Help?

There are different names and different paths of education and training for a person who provides psychotherapy (sometimes just referred to as therapy or counseling). A therapist can be a social worker, a family and/or marriage counselor, a professional counselor or other educated and trained professional. Most of these will have a license that has been issued after they have completed educational requirements, supervision by an experienced therapist, and passed a comprehensive licensing examination conducted in the State in which they will practice.

          People are sometimes hesitant to seek help for a mental health concern, however most of the stigma that was long-ago associated with psychiatry and mental health counseling seems to be gone. There can be a sense of fear with setting up the first appointment if someone has never seen a therapist. It can feel vulnerable to consider talking to a stranger about deeply personal feelings, losses, difficult memories or current stressful circumstances.

          One important thing to know is that everyone has problems or concerns that could be helped with therapy. I have observed in my practice that many people feel alone in what they have experienced or how they are feeling; however, there is not a single person who has had a life without hurts, problems, and losses. It can also be helpful to know that most therapists have seen or are still seeing a therapist themselves. It is strongly recommended during the education and mentoring process that mental health professionals seek support for their own problems and concerns. This way there will not be as many barriers to their providing support for their clients. Someone who has not worked on their own issues may not be emotionally prepared to provide support for others.

          Once you have done some research to locate a therapist (search the web, read information on their website, ask friends, ask your doctor) you can call to set up an initial visit. You should expect your therapist to help you feel comfortable and at ease with any nervousness you may have. He or she will have some forms for you to sign about treatment, insurance, etc. and will ask questions to help you identify concerns for which you are seeking treatment. If you do not feel a connection with your therapist during this visit it is ok. You may want to try another visit, or your therapist can refer you to another clinician. Hopefully this will not be a concern and you can schedule another visit to discuss your future treatment plan. You and your therapist will work together to set goals and discuss methods of treatment that will be helpful to treat your individual concerns and symptoms.

          There are numerous methods of treatment for anxiety, depression, grief, physical pain, adjustment to life changes, post traumatic stress disorder and other concerns. If your issues are outside of the scope of practice for your therapist, he or she should refer you to a specialist to help with your specific needs. Your therapist may also refer you back to your primary care provider or a psychiatrist for a medication evaluation.

          If you are considering therapy for yourself, just pick up the phone and make a call. The process should be easy and unintimidating! You should feel comfortable, accepted, and at ease during the process of getting started and continuing with therapy. Good wishes!

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter LLC, 9/23/2019

Things We Hide...

Dr. Brene’ Brown is a research professor, best-selling author, speaker, and social worker.  I’m proud to say I’m a social worker too! If you’ve read any of her books then you know that she has studied and written a lot about shame and vulnerability and being brave.  I recommend that you read her writing if you have an interest in digging deep into your own “stuff”.

People are afraid to be vulnerable about their fears, guilt and shame...and sometimes hold onto their feelings and never share them. Fear of judgment or rejection is what keeps us from being ONE HUNDRED PERCENT honest about our mistakes and doubts.

Among the things people hide:

-Addiction (pornography, alcohol, tobacco, drugs, shopping, eating too much, not eating enough). When people turn to any of these things to cope with daily life, it can indicate past hurt and pain, and a way to avoid things that are difficult to face.

-Sexual assault/abuse. People feel guilty or have a fear of being judged if they disclose this. And so many people have sexual trauma as part of their story! If this is part of your story it can be healing to share it with a trusted friend or a trained trauma therapist/counselor. (Contact me for a referral.) Sexual Trauma Services of the Midlands offers assistance for those in the midlands of South Carolina.

-Marital problems. There is NO perfect marriage. People often have a “public marriage” and a “private marriage”. And the two don’t match at all. Give yourself permission to know that there is no marriage without conflict! We have all learned about marriage and family from the way we were parented and the way our parents communicated with each other. I think everybody needs marriage counseling before they get married and after marriage when things start to go wrong. And they will!

-Fear that we are not unconditionally loved. This is a difficult thing for people to talk about or to even recognize. If you had parents who were stressed, distant, or didn’t know how to parent because they were young and dealing with issues of their own, then you may have issues with feeling safe and attached to your spouse, your friends, or even your own children. Signs of this include the inability to forgive hurts, feeling afraid to admit fears, and unhealthy coping methods (turning to food, tv, alcohol, etc. )

There are many fears and there are always other people who have the same fears. You are never alone!

If you have something you really need to share then please consider being brave and doing it. Share with a trusted friend, your spouse, your pastor, or with God. If I can help you in any way to figure out how to share…please contact me via the information on this website.

Above all…just know that your feelings are normal…

This blog was inspired by a real conversation with a trusted friend… Thank you!

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC

How Do I Know If I Have Anxiety?

Worry is a normal part of all our lives. Everybody worries about work or children or a pending result of a medical test. So how do we know if worrying or a feeling of unease is more than just life adjustment? Generalized Anxiety Disorder is a treatable mental health diagnosis that involves worrying that is difficult or even impossible to control without help.  Here is a list of symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder:

1)  Excessive anxiety and worry about a variety of topics, events or activities. Worry occurs more often than not for at least 6 months and is excessive, even when there is nothing wrong. In adults, the worry can be about health, money, or everyday life circumstances. In children, the worry is likely to be about their abilities or the quality of their performance (i.e. school performance).

2)  The worry is very difficult to control and may shift from one topic to another. The worry can cause difficulty concentrating.

3)  The anxiety and worry are associated with at least three of the following physical or cognitive symptoms:

- Edginess, restlessness

-Tiring easily, feeling more fatigued than usual

-Irritability

-Increased muscle aches/soreness; increased heart rate.

-Trouble falling asleep, or staying asleep, or both

4)  The worry or anxiety cause significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

5)  The symptoms are not due to a physical issue such as substance abuse, medication, or a medical condition (such as a thyroid problem).

If you have several of these symptoms, or you just need to ask questions and explore your thoughts with someone, contact a mental health provider in your area. Generalized Anxiety Disorder is treatable with medication and/or counseling. If you are having thoughts of self-harm, please seek emergency help from your local hospital or an emergency care facility or call 911. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.  (Symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder obtained from DSM-5, American Psychiatric Association)

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC

How Do I Know If I'm Depressed?

Sometimes people can identify multiple mood-related symptoms, and then are surprised to learn they have depression. Everyone goes through life stressors…health problems, loss of a job, financial strain, or grief. And there is an adjustment process of working through feelings and gaining more acceptance of these difficult life events. It is normal to feel stressed, down, sad, anxious and even hopeless during these times. So how do you know if your feelings are a matter of adjusting to a life crisis versus a diagnosis of Depressive Disorder? Here is a list of symptoms of Major Depressive Disorder:

1)  Loss of interest or pleasure in things you previously enjoyed. (Social events, going to church, being with friends, reading, exercising, etc.)

2)  Feeling down, sad, empty nearly all day, every day. (Note: In children this can be expressed as irritability.)

3)  Changes in sleep. You may have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or be sleeping more than usual for you.

4)  Fatigue or loss of energy.

5)  Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness or guilt that do not subside when the crisis subsides.

6)  Trouble concentrating or indecisiveness.

7)  Thoughts of dying, or planning how you would take your life; past attempts at suicide.

If you have several of these symptoms, or you just need to ask questions and explore your thoughts with someone, contact a mental health provider in your area. If you are having thoughts of self-harm, please seek emergency help from your local hospital or an emergency care facility or call 911. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.  (Symptoms of depression obtained from DSM-5, American Psychiatric Association)

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC

Cleaning Out Closets

I read a book a year or so ago about how to declutter and get rid of things you don’t need. The book is called “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing” by Marie Kondo. One of my friends said the book is “way out there” but I read it with an open mind and took away the things that were helpful. The author says if you don’t use it, wear it, read it (or use it in some way) and it doesn’t “spark joy” then you don’t need to keep it. 

I’ve been literally and figuratively cleaning out closets in my house this weekend. I used to have difficulty parting with sentimental items. I still struggle with it just a little, but I have gotten much better. My mother is the closest person I’ve lost in my life. After her death about 4 years ago I kept a big garbage bag of her clothing, dried flowers from her funeral, things she had made. Today I parted with more of her things by reminding myself that SHE is in my heart. I remember the mom she was when I was a little girl. I remember her soft, sweet voice. I remember how much she loved my daughter. There are so many memories in my heart. And I can keep those with me wherever I go.

It felt good today to take a load of useable clothing and other items to a local agency that will ensure they are given to people in need. And to end the day at a restaurant eating pizza and French fries with my husband, my daughter and son-in-law, and my almost 16-month-old granddaughter. That time was a memory made. That time spent together is the joy!

Maybe you are holding onto things because you feel guilty, disrespectful, or sad about letting them go. Try telling yourself that the person and their memory is in your heart and that is what matters. The joy comes from memories and feelings about past experiences and losses. The joy is always in our hearts…

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter LLC, 3-10-2018

How Our Thoughts Can Affect Our Feelings

There is a treatment commonly used by therapists called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT for short. Simply put, CBT helps people recognize unhelpful thought patterns. It’s about noticing what you are thinking instead of just thinking, thinking, thinking…

There are numerous online resources for CBT education and worksheets. I use one in my practice from the Psychology Tools website. It lists several unhelpful styles of thinking such as magnification or blowing things out of proportion, focusing more on mistakes than successes, using judgmental words with ourselves like “I should”, “I must”, or worrying about a future event we have no control over.

Try an experiment where you take a day or even an hour and observe your thoughts at regular intervals, particularly if you are feeling worried, anxious, or down. Notice what you are saying to yourself. Are you beating yourself up for something you wish you had done? Are you trying to figure out how something in the future is going to turn out, even though it’s something you cannot change or control? Are you thinking someone is upset with you although you have no evidence to indicate this is true?

If you find that you are thinking in these ways, just notice it. Don’t try to change it or “fix it”. That can be unhelpful too. Just noticing can help slow our thoughts, calm our body’s reaction to stress, and reduce unhelpful thinking patterns.

If you would like to learn more about CBT and how to use it to help slow down your anxious thoughts, contact a licensed therapist who is trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

 Gayla W. Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC, 2/23/2018

Single for Valentine's Day

Some Ways to Make It Easier

If you’ve ever read about the history of Valentine’s Day then you know it did not start out the way it has ended up. It has only been in the last century or so that it became more about couples and outward expressions of love and romance.

Living in an Air Force/Army base town I often see families separated from loved ones during Thanksgiving, Christmas and other holidays. Valentine’s Day is a day that can be sad and lonely for some too. If you’ve had a recent breakup or maybe have even lost a spouse or partner, then you probably wish you could sleep through February 14th. Here are a couple things you can do if you do not have a partner this Valentine’s Day.

• Take a day for yourself. Missing all those flower deliveries to the office might make this a good day to ask for a day off from work. Use the day to do something for yourself that you might not normally do such as sleeping a little later or binge watching your favorite tv show. Use some free time during the day to plan something fun for the weekend so you aren’t focusing so much on the day.

• Remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with being single. Everybody is single at one time or another. If this is your first Valentine’s Day after a breakup or loss, seek out friends and meet for coffee or a walk. And if your friends are all working, take your pet for a walk, look around in a book store, or treat yourself to a double scoop of your favorite ice cream! I’ve even had a triple scoop!

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter LLC

Uncertainty and Anxiety

Everybody has anxiety at one time or another. This is our body’s normal state of “fight or flight” when we need to react to a situation. But for some people the symptoms of anxiety (excessive worry, difficulty concentrating, feeling on edge, sleep problems, irritability) can occur when we don’t need them to. Clients report that anxiety causes increased heart rate, shallow breathing, or an uncomfortable feeling of discomfort in the throat or chest. Anxiety can feel like dread but there often isn’t an identifiable trigger for these feelings. For some people there may be a past traumatic event they haven’t worked through or something unresolved in a relationship that is causing these symptoms. For others it might be a problem coping with uncertainty.

Some time ago I ran across an article about a link between anxiety and uncertainty. I’ve shared it with many clients and they have all said they found the information helpful and could identify that they had trouble coping with uncertainty. I recently did more research on this and found numerous online resources. Julie Beck had a recent article in The Atlantic magazine. She said people would rather get an electric shock now, than to know they may be shocked later.

I’ve talked with people who were waiting on a health diagnosis who said something like “I want to know the bad news and have a plan to address it rather than to keep waiting.” Think about the stress of waiting to find out if you got the job you interviewed for versus knowing you did (or didn’t) get the job. We want to know versus not knowing.

So, what to do about coping with uncertainty? Notice what you are thinking. Are you expecting bad news? Are you turning the situation into a catastrophe? Are you terrible at waiting? You can do some self-talk and remind yourself that you are resilient and have gotten through stressful situations before. We all have things that are uncertain every day. And we can’t predict the future. Just thinking about how you react when things are uncertain and working on more acceptance of your inability to control reactions of others, outcomes, etc. can be helpful. If you worry more than you can tolerate, contact someone who can help you with resources for coping with anxiety.

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC 1/29/2018

3 Ways to Help Depression

1)     Exercise – This is on most every list of ways to help depression. Getting your heart rate up (and most resources say it doesn’t have to be for very long) helps you physically and mentally. If you can get outside in the sun and fresh air for a quick brisk walk, you will notice that you feel refreshed and your mind may even feel clearer. If the weather doesn’t permit outdoor activity you can walk indoors at your local mall, do some stretching at home, or dust off the treadmill or stationary bike. Don’t judge yourself if you only have 5 or 10 minutes to exercise. It counts!

2)     Interact with others – Even if you think you might be an introvert, interacting with people is a good way to boost your mood. Take the step to call someone and invite them for coffee. Join a local civic group or volunteer to help a local service organization. Join a local church or if you are already attending, look for a smaller group to join. If your health or life circumstances have you feeling isolated, contact a pastor or counselor and set up an appointment to talk. No matter your situation, there is someone who can help.

3)     Tap into your creativity – Most people have a creative side. If you’ve always wanted to play a musical instrument, call and start lessons today! If you love art, get involved with your local art gallery and sign up for a class. Learn another language. Learn sign language. Even if you are a math lover, you can find a creative way to use your skills. Consider volunteering as a tutor at a local school.

If you are depressed, then any of these 3 things may seem like a mountain you aren’t sure you can climb. Depression can be so severe that it takes away the motivation to do anything. So just do small steps. If you do more today than you did yesterday then that is progress. Don’t judge yourself and try your best. Always contact a local mental health provider if you feel your depression is so severe you are not functioning. There is help!

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter LLC

How To Grow Your Private Counseling Practice

Once you’ve started your counseling practice you will want it to continue to reflect your values as a person and to represent those values in the community where you serve.  Identify what is important to you. Do you want to have a professional reputation? Do you want to create a special feeling for your clients when they walk into your office? Do you want to build relationships with your clients and the providers who are referring clients to you?

I knew when I started my counseling practice that I wanted a professional atmosphere in my office, and I also wanted people to feel welcomed and treated with respect. I wanted them to feel comfortable and at ease with me and their surroundings. I wanted them to know I would be on time for appointments and they would have my full attention in our sessions together.  I also wanted people to be able to easily find information about me online and for my online presence to represent me as a person.

So here are some things I do…

I meet with local health providers and tell them about myself and my practice. My awesome son-in-law (heymatthew.com) created a flyer with my logo and information for me to hand out.

I agree to speak at local events (You will be asked by churches and other organizations to speak on your area of expertise.)

I stick to my values in my relationships with clients. (Be on time, be my authentic self, be someone my clients/families can trust, provide a comforting and safe/non-judgmental environment.)

I applied to be a provider with insurance panels that are common in the community where I live and work. This way I can bill insurance for those who cannot afford to pay out-of-pocket for counseling services. I also applied to be a provider for employee assistance programs in my area.

I offer appointments for people who needed a sliding fee scale due to financial hardship.

I continue to learn and grow as a counselor. My specialty areas in which I have training and knowledge include grief/loss, coping with physical pain and limitations, adolescent issues, depression, post trauma issues, and anxiety. I just completed a certification in family trauma, because so many people who come to me have a history of childhood trauma. 

I am still learning and growing and that won’t stop. If you are looking for a counselor, I would love to talk to you and set up an appointment to meet with you. If I don’t have an immediate opening I also have an experienced counselor in my office who is accepting new clients and has similar values. If our office doesn’t match what you are looking for…I know other wonderful therapists in my area who I can refer you to.

Happy New Year!

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter LLC,  1/8/2018