Things We Hide...

Dr. Brene’ Brown is a research professor, best-selling author, speaker, and social worker.  I’m proud to say I’m a social worker too! If you’ve read any of her books then you know that she has studied and written a lot about shame and vulnerability and being brave.  I recommend that you read her writing if you have an interest in digging deep into your own “stuff”.

People are afraid to be vulnerable about their fears, guilt and shame...and sometimes hold onto their feelings and never share them. Fear of judgment or rejection is what keeps us from being ONE HUNDRED PERCENT honest about our mistakes and doubts.

Among the things people hide:

-Addiction (pornography, alcohol, tobacco, drugs, shopping, eating too much, not eating enough). When people turn to any of these things to cope with daily life, it can indicate past hurt and pain, and a way to avoid things that are difficult to face.

-Sexual assault/abuse. People feel guilty or have a fear of being judged if they disclose this. And so many people have sexual trauma as part of their story! If this is part of your story it can be healing to share it with a trusted friend or a trained trauma therapist/counselor. (Contact me for a referral.) Sexual Trauma Services of the Midlands offers assistance for those in the midlands of South Carolina.

-Marital problems. There is NO perfect marriage. People often have a “public marriage” and a “private marriage”. And the two don’t match at all. Give yourself permission to know that there is no marriage without conflict! We have all learned about marriage and family from the way we were parented and the way our parents communicated with each other. I think everybody needs marriage counseling before they get married and after marriage when things start to go wrong. And they will!

-Fear that we are not unconditionally loved. This is a difficult thing for people to talk about or to even recognize. If you had parents who were stressed, distant, or didn’t know how to parent because they were young and dealing with issues of their own, then you may have issues with feeling safe and attached to your spouse, your friends, or even your own children. Signs of this include the inability to forgive hurts, feeling afraid to admit fears, and unhealthy coping methods (turning to food, tv, alcohol, etc. )

There are many fears and there are always other people who have the same fears. You are never alone!

If you have something you really need to share then please consider being brave and doing it. Share with a trusted friend, your spouse, your pastor, or with God. If I can help you in any way to figure out how to share…please contact me via the information on this website.

Above all…just know that your feelings are normal…

This blog was inspired by a real conversation with a trusted friend… Thank you!

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC

How Do I Know If I Have Anxiety?

Worry is a normal part of all our lives. Everybody worries about work or children or a pending result of a medical test. So how do we know if worrying or a feeling of unease is more than just life adjustment? Generalized Anxiety Disorder is a treatable mental health diagnosis that involves worrying that is difficult or even impossible to control without help.  Here is a list of symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder:

1)  Excessive anxiety and worry about a variety of topics, events or activities. Worry occurs more often than not for at least 6 months and is excessive, even when there is nothing wrong. In adults, the worry can be about health, money, or everyday life circumstances. In children, the worry is likely to be about their abilities or the quality of their performance (i.e. school performance).

2)  The worry is very difficult to control and may shift from one topic to another. The worry can cause difficulty concentrating.

3)  The anxiety and worry are associated with at least three of the following physical or cognitive symptoms:

- Edginess, restlessness

-Tiring easily, feeling more fatigued than usual

-Irritability

-Increased muscle aches/soreness; increased heart rate.

-Trouble falling asleep, or staying asleep, or both

4)  The worry or anxiety cause significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

5)  The symptoms are not due to a physical issue such as substance abuse, medication, or a medical condition (such as a thyroid problem).

If you have several of these symptoms, or you just need to ask questions and explore your thoughts with someone, contact a mental health provider in your area. Generalized Anxiety Disorder is treatable with medication and/or counseling. If you are having thoughts of self-harm, please seek emergency help from your local hospital or an emergency care facility or call 911. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.  (Symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder obtained from DSM-5, American Psychiatric Association)

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC

How Do I Know If I'm Depressed?

Sometimes people can identify multiple mood-related symptoms, and then are surprised to learn they have depression. Everyone goes through life stressors…health problems, loss of a job, financial strain, or grief. And there is an adjustment process of working through feelings and gaining more acceptance of these difficult life events. It is normal to feel stressed, down, sad, anxious and even hopeless during these times. So how do you know if your feelings are a matter of adjusting to a life crisis versus a diagnosis of Depressive Disorder? Here is a list of symptoms of Major Depressive Disorder:

1)  Loss of interest or pleasure in things you previously enjoyed. (Social events, going to church, being with friends, reading, exercising, etc.)

2)  Feeling down, sad, empty nearly all day, every day. (Note: In children this can be expressed as irritability.)

3)  Changes in sleep. You may have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or be sleeping more than usual for you.

4)  Fatigue or loss of energy.

5)  Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness or guilt that do not subside when the crisis subsides.

6)  Trouble concentrating or indecisiveness.

7)  Thoughts of dying, or planning how you would take your life; past attempts at suicide.

If you have several of these symptoms, or you just need to ask questions and explore your thoughts with someone, contact a mental health provider in your area. If you are having thoughts of self-harm, please seek emergency help from your local hospital or an emergency care facility or call 911. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.  (Symptoms of depression obtained from DSM-5, American Psychiatric Association)

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter, LLC

Cleaning Out Closets

I read a book a year or so ago about how to declutter and get rid of things you don’t need. The book is called “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing” by Marie Kondo. One of my friends said the book is “way out there” but I read it with an open mind and took away the things that were helpful. The author says if you don’t use it, wear it, read it (or use it in some way) and it doesn’t “spark joy” then you don’t need to keep it. 

I’ve been literally and figuratively cleaning out closets in my house this weekend. I used to have difficulty parting with sentimental items. I still struggle with it just a little, but I have gotten much better. My mother is the closest person I’ve lost in my life. After her death about 4 years ago I kept a big garbage bag of her clothing, dried flowers from her funeral, things she had made. Today I parted with more of her things by reminding myself that SHE is in my heart. I remember the mom she was when I was a little girl. I remember her soft, sweet voice. I remember how much she loved my daughter. There are so many memories in my heart. And I can keep those with me wherever I go.

It felt good today to take a load of useable clothing and other items to a local agency that will ensure they are given to people in need. And to end the day at a restaurant eating pizza and French fries with my husband, my daughter and son-in-law, and my almost 16-month-old granddaughter. That time was a memory made. That time spent together is the joy!

Maybe you are holding onto things because you feel guilty, disrespectful, or sad about letting them go. Try telling yourself that the person and their memory is in your heart and that is what matters. The joy comes from memories and feelings about past experiences and losses. The joy is always in our hearts…

Gayla Partin, LISW-CP, Counseling Sumter LLC, 3-10-2018